Deal With Your Doubts

Life is peaks and valleys. I reached a peak when I was a teenager, and I reached a deep valley almost a year later. Bright high, deep dark, it was awful. Part of the reason was that when what happened to me as a teenager occurred, I did not have the psychological, emotional, or spiritual framework to orient it. One of the things that was also a wake up call for me was that sometime after those experiences, I went back to some of the adults in my life that I respected and asked them if they had had things like this happen. I got the same recurring response. First, have you been doing drugs, because it probably sounds like a drug experience. Then the second response was, is there something wrong with you, or there must be something wrong with you. I realized that I could not talk openly about these things. I went inward with it. I did not talk much about these things for many, many years to almost anybody. Part of the dark part is I longed and yearned to get back to that state that I was in, and it took some time, some years of work, to finally realize, oh my word, I do not need to get back to the state. The state has never left. It is hiding in plain sight. What I need to do is realize it. It is not about a peak experience. It is about this experience right here, right now, in this moment, in every moment.